03 - False Advertising

[has_signed_on]

[Izaya's on a mission today. He's walking towards the Libary, bucket in one hand, comm in the other. It's not all that interesting until a few moments later when he puts up a network post.]

---[Text]

Hey~! Does anyone feel like playing a game? <3

Comments

[seahorsecaesar.livejournal.com]

*After his recent little excursion to find Karkat, it's come to the sea 'dwelling' Napoleon that he actually has no idea how to navigate this place.

At all.

So in an attempt to remedy that, he's out and about wandering.

Get your creep on.*

[has-signed-on.livejournal.com]

[It'll probably the one time in his life that Izaya is minding his own business. He's on his way back to his room from the library.

But then he sees it.

That douchebag cape. Those nerdy begging for some scotch tape glasses. Those wanker pants. That disgusting warm grey colour.

He's never seen this combination before, but he can make a good inference about it. for no reason whatsoever the bucket is hidden behind his back asHe approaches.]

Hey! Napoleon!

[seahorsecaesar.livejournal.com]

*He gets that creepy crawly feeling one tends to get when someone is looking at them. Turns slowly, yellow eyes going nice and wide.

Oh Gog...it's him.*

You...

[has-signed-on.livejournal.com]

It is you. [And of course this means he has to get all up in Eridan's grill to inspect him.]

Man, you're even more nerdy looking like this. But you were right, I guess, so this is as much of an apology as you're getting from me.

[seahorsecaesar.livejournal.com]

*He watches the human thing move around him, brows furrowed in the most menacing look he can possibly give another creature.*

I don't know what you're talkin about. I am not nerdy lookin.

[has-signed-on.livejournal.com]

Try saying that to my face [He points to himself.] when you aren't a foot shorter than me, thin as a rail and when your clothes aren't two sizes too big for you.

[Because srsly dat cape and those pants.]

So what the hell's up with your ears? The other's didn't look like that.

[seahorsecaesar.livejournal.com]

*Ooooh someday sir, when he is tall and proud and DWARFS you (we saw Dualscar, it could happen), he will make you eat those words.

But for now, he's just kinda gonna pout a bit.*

They're different because I'm not like the others. They're nothin more than land dwellin low lives. I am one of the sea dwellers, MUCH higher in rank than any of them...well, except Gam, I guess.

[has-signed-on.livejournal.com]

[Ye-ah, Eridan. Pouting really reinforces Izaya's respect for you. ffft]

Sea dwellers? So...you want to be where the people are? 'Cause I'm thinking those clothes don't really do well underwater.

Can I touch your ears?

[A) Nevermind that he totally ignored the part where Eridan said he was higher in rank. B) He's totally going to just touch dem ears anyway and that question was more like a warning.]

[seahorsecaesar.livejournal.com]

Well of course I don't swim in these clothes. That would be stupid.

*and by that, he means he doesn't swim, cuz he lives in those clothes.*

And no! You can't touch em!

*Backs up a bit*

[has-signed-on.livejournal.com]

[.......ew.

Imean.

Thankfully Izaya doesn't pursue in his conquest to touch him some fish ears. They're probably gross anyway. So he just stands up straight.]

You're no fun. This is supposed to be some profound cultural meeting thing.

[seahorsecaesar.livejournal.com]

Profound cultural....what the hell are you talkin about? This is a conversation. As though I would deign to have an 'exchange' of anythin with someone of your race who is anything LESS than a ruler.

*Tries to stand up a little straighter himself. He's not going to be outdone by this human,oh no!*

Besides, what's good bout your 'culture' you'd share?

[has-signed-on.livejournal.com]

You misunderstand, Napoleon. When I said I was a god of humanity? I meant it. I'll watch over all of them, pass judgment over their lives or even help them if I see it fit.

But since you asked...

[Now here's where it gets fun. Because when I say he hands Eridan the bucket what I actually mean is that he abruptly grabs the toll's hand and forces the bucket into his grasp. There is no chance for instantaneous rejection; contact with the metal pail is made! /o/ Goal!]

Here you go.

[seahorsecaesar.livejournal.com]

*Not the brightest crayon in the box, he gapes a moment as the bucket is nothing short of thrust into his hands. He stares at it, yellow eyes wide in both shock and confusion. His hand jerks away and he jumps back a little*

Is...THAT what you meant by cultural exchange!?

*this is one confused little troll. Was it...POSSIBLE that this human was capable of understanding the depth and complexity of Trollmance? Oh man his face is practically purple.*

I was...unaware you had such feelings...*right, scowly face* Though I hope that they are nothing but the blackest possible feelings, for I will accept no less. I have a matesprit already, after all.

*even if she doesn't know it but SHHHHH*

[has-signed-on.livejournal.com]

[Waaaaaaaait up, that was not quite the reaction he was expecting. Like at all. IT WAS LAST ON THE 'Reactions Izaya is expecting from Hipsterpoleon' LIST.

Though if it's any condolences it has slightly raised his hate of the troll. You're supposed to follow his plans, gdi!

But he won't let Eridan gain the upper hand so...he'll just play along with whatever the hell this is.

So you're a player, huh? Hmm...or just easy?

[That bucket, being dropped and all, is kicked out of the way btw. Fuck it and it's obstinacy.]

[seahorsecaesar.livejournal.com]

Ha, hardly. Perhaps I should explain so that your tiny human think pan doesn't get lost in the complexities. I will consider your offer of Kismesis affections.

*and unless stopped, Eridan will then proceed to explain the quadrants....all four of them..while throwing in barbed quips about WHY he hates Izaya enough for them to consider kismesitude.

Unless signore Izaya stops him of course. Willsave not to die of boredom.*

[has-signed-on.livejournal.com]

[Eridan's saying words! You've got to stop him! D:>]

Na-...

...

Napoleon.



Napoleon. Shut. Up.

[seahorsecaesar.livejournal.com]

*stops mid-sentence, giving him a scathing look for interrupting him. Honestly the NERVE!*

How dare you! Honestly are all humans unbearably rude?

*Folds his arm and huffs*

Maybe I don't WANT your bucket offer! *actually goes out of his way to kick it at him*

[has-signed-on.livejournal.com]

When you deserve it, yea--

[Well, that definitely makes for a first of EPIC BUCKET DODGING.]

Did you just try to kick a freaking bucket at me?

Really?

[seahorsecaesar.livejournal.com]

*still huffing*

Clearly I did! Take your stupid bucket and leave me alone!

*which is one of those weird "i say go away but i mean come closer" things. Because Izaya clearly wants to get it on with a bucket kicking troll. At least in Eridan's mind that statement makes sense*

*and is not creepy in the least.*

[has-signed-on.livejournal.com]

[Not to be confused with 'creeps', but Izaya just staresat Eridan. Probably with a look semi-equivalent of ಠ_ಠ

And then he laughs.

And laughs.

A lot.]

I can't believe it! All those stupid faces you're making! Is it insecurity or just inexperience - I almost can't tell.

I...I don't think I've seen anything this great in a while!

[seahorsecaesar.livejournal.com]

*Somehow still shocked by the fact that Izaya is laughing at him. The trollboy will never learn. Ever.*

Stop that! S-Stop laughing at me!

*will not wibble will NOT wibble. This is why he cannot blackrom, too stupidly sensitive*

My faces are not stupid!

[has-signed-on.livejournal.com]

[ Izaya knows no personal space when it comes to trolling. He will get all up in Eridan's grill >:| ]

Oh, are you gonna cry now?

My bad~ Maybe I expected too much from some kid. [Check out this bracketed redundancy: he doesn't mean that at all.]

[seahorsecaesar.livejournal.com]

*Eridan, Eridan DO NOT CRY. He will never respect you if you cry, and you still want to try and foster that black black rom don't you? MAN UP!*

I'm not a kid! *Trying to look taller than he is. You will NOT look down on him Japanese man* Don't treat me like some human child!

[has-signed-on.livejournal.com]

You think I'm doing something like that? Na, I'm just treating you how your insecurities dictate.

If you weren't so easy to read I might try something else, but hey, what's the point?

[seahorsecaesar.livejournal.com]

Shut up! Seriously you're so infuriating!

*That's right Eri, get aggressive, that makes you look older.*